As always, if I forgot a Croatian film about magical couscous or the 12th “Who’s Haunting Me?!” film of the year, no apologies. I’m just listing the contenders here (or at least movies I couldn’t resist saying something about). Let’s get on with it!!!
May 3
The Fall Guy
Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt in an action-comedy will take my money every time. How this is “technically” related to the mostly forgotten 80’s tv show The Fall Guy makes no sense to me. However, if Ryan Gosling gets to perform that old show’s theme song, The Unknown Stuntman, at next year’s Oscars, it’s all worth it.
May 10
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes
Just when you think they’re done making these movies, another one shows up again. (I guess we could say that about a lot of movies). I think we’re now somehow close to when Charlton Heston would’ve landed in the first 1968 film’s future. If Gen-Z is going to have to use ChatGPT to explain this series to them, just wait till they get to the Mad Max films.
IF
The other “Ryan” (Reynolds) with Emily’s “other” half (John Krasinski) combine to make what appears to be a delightful live-action family film. If the only thing Wonka did, and I hope it did more, was show that modern audiences can enjoy “delightful live-action family films” in the 21st Century, that’d be great. And if this movie has a trailer for Deadpool and Wolverine, that’d be even greater :)
May 24
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga
Because literal “mad man” director George Miller waited so long to make a sequel to Mad Max: Fury Road, this intended Charlize Theron-vehicle has now become a prequel with Anna Taylor Joy. I can only hope they open the flick with a “No stunt persons or camera persons were hurt during the making of this film,” because how Miller pulls off these Cirque Du Soleil action stunts and camera shots are mind-boggling. Still, the jump from the first Mad Max movie to this is kinda like going from the first Dirty Harry to Death Race 2000.
The Garfield Movie
I’ve got nothing to say. I was always more of a Heathcliff guy. Call me when Hagar the Horrible shows up!
May 31
Young Woman and the Sea
When the only “major studio release” a week after memorial weekend is an inspirational tale of the first woman to swim across the English Channel, you can tell this is going to be a weird summer. The real Trudy Ederle was obviously amazing, but a Boys in the Boat-type movie (which was also good) just a month into the summer season indicates this is not your father’s Summer Blockbuster Pool.
Bad Boys: Ride or Die
It’s not a little known fact, but no one ever talks about how Bad Boys For Life was THE #1 film of 2020!!! Sure, theaters shut down in March and only indy films (outside of Tenet) played on movie screens for the rest of the season, but Bad Boys 3 did very well for itself in those January and February months of release. Are we ready for another ride or are we ready for this franchise to die?
The Watchers
I’m so excited that M. Knight Shyamalan’s daughter, Ishana, seems to be following in her father’s footsteps and has written and directed her own “what’s going on here” movie. I feel like M. Knight got typecast as Hitchcock when he’s more Rod Serling. Give me some Twilight Zone fun with 90-minute run-times and I’m all in!
Inside Out 2
I’m not sure if the first Inside Out was the last “great” Pixar film (Coco and Soul might have something to say), but it’s certainly an argument that could be made. Inside Out was an original IP that grossed $350 million in 2015. Will the follow-up follow the sequel successes of Finding Dory and Incredibles 2, or have the days of blockbuster and Pixar passed us by?
June 21
I, uh, don’t understand it… There’s literally no major studio releases scheduled for a weekend in the middle of June?! There’s like four indy films being released and maybe one might make a final gross of $27 million or something. I wish them all well.
June 28
A Quiet Place: Day One
John Krasinski may have retired from the Quiet Place business, but the show must go on. Here we get the story of how it all went down.
I may be the only white middle-aged man who hasn’t watched any of the Yellowstone/Kevin Costner revival, but I still never thought it would lead to the hubris of KevCo deciding to direct and co-write a four-part ELEVEN HOUR!!! movie series about settling the American West. Maybe it’s not hubris if someone actually bankrolled this endeavor though. The adventure “begins” this June.
Despicable Me 4
No, not to be confused with last year’s Minions 2: The Rise of Gru. Here, Gru has already risen, has three girls, and more importantly… lots of Minions. It’s going to be a very banana July 4th!
July 12
Fly Me To The Moon
Scarlett Johansson and Channing Tatum star in a romantic comedy about faking a moon landing. Well, kudos to finding a romantic comedy plot that Netflix, Lifetime, and Hallmark haven’t already beat into the ground.
Twisters
In the list of things I didn’t need to know: The original Twister movie predates my first Summer Blockbuster Pool! I started the pool the next summer in 1997 when Jurassic Park 2 battled Men In Black and Air Force One. Ok, wait, that actually made me feel very old as well. Never meet your heroes' reboots.
July 26
Deadpool & Wolverine
This film pretty much sums up the entire spectrum of life. It will either be the single greatest movie in the history of the universe or both movie legends will have jumped a shark bigger than The Meg 2. Can’t wait!
August 2
The Instigators
A “comedic” heist movie with Matt Damon, Casey Affleck, and Hong Chau. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached movies released in August.
Harold and the Purple Crayon
Speaking of which… A beloved 34-page picture book has turned into a 90-minute film. I guess they set the Audible speed setting to 0.0005X
August 9
Trap
M. Knight Shyamalan graces us with his own latest “what’s going on here” movie as a pop concert is locked down to find the killer inside the arena. Thankfully, it’s not a Taylor Swift show as she’d already have spoiled the whodunit: “It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me.”
Borderlands
If you wanted to make a Guardians of the Galaxy rip-off based on a video-game and have it directed by Eli Roth, it probably would look a lot like this movie. Hopefully, it can supply some of the late summer fun the first Guardians did 10 years ago.
August 16
Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 2
Oh good, there’s more! At least people don’t have to wait years for the next film. Two months after the first, the second film arrives in theaters.
Alien: Romulus
I remember saying something silly last year like “Maybe the new Indiana Jones film will be better because Steven Spielberg wasn’t directing it.” It wasn’t. I feel like saying that this year about the new Alien film (with a new director) after the last two Ridley Scott stinkers, but it will likely be the same stinkeriffic results.
August 23
Blink Twice
Zoe Kravits directs her first film with Channing Tatum and Naomi Ackie in a “what’s going on here” movie. Seems to be a lot of that going on this summer! What’s going on here?!
The Crow
30 years after the first Crow movie with Brandon Lee, the film series is being rebooted with Bill Skarsgard in the title role. Does that mean I should worry about a Spawn reboot in 2027?
