As always, if I forgot some Oscar-bait Bulgarian film that’ll make three bucks and get 14 Golden Globe nominations, sue me. I’m just listing the contenders here (or at least movies that have a wide release). Let’s get on with it!!!
November 7
Apparently the Predator franchise didn’t hear they should be a series on FX and they’re releasing a new movie. They’re even making it PG-13 to try and capture all the young kids who’ve literally never even heard of a Predator movie. What could go wrong?!
Now You See Me: Now You Don't
November 14
This series was sort of the National Treasure of the 2010’s. Family friendly, twisty turvy adventures whose actors made it seem better than they probably were. Did they ever make a lick of sense? Who cares! It’s magic. Suffice to say, this flick means a lot more to my fam than Avatar 3 :)
The Running Man
Remakes of Arnie films from the past don’t have a great track record. That said, if you’re going to do a remake with cult-fav director Edgar Wright and current “everywhere” guy Glen Powell, why not. Let’s hope they make this work because this year’s Holiday Movie Pool needs some hits… or maybe I should say runs.
Sisu 2: Road to Revenge
November 21
I’m obviously just listing this as a huge fan of Finnish filmmakers everywhere, but mostly because the story of an old guy killing Nazis never gets old. Shameless plug, go check out these people’s holiday classic Rare Exports for an evergreen treat that never gets old.
Wicked: For Good
I guess calling it Part 2 was too cliche. The smash from last season is back for the second act. Will it recapture the same magic or were all the “popular” songs in the first half?
Zootopia 2
November 26
I guess the gap between Zootopia 1 and 2 is the same as Now You See Me 2 and 3, yet this feels as left field as Inside Out 2. Maybe it was the success of that mothballed franchise that made Disney think what other great first film could we revise? More importantly, I don’t know how they’re going to top Shakira’s, I mean, Gazelle’s Try Everything song, but I’m here for it.
Five Nights at Freddy's 2
December 5
The first film opened with over $80 million and that was while also being “free” to watch on Peacock. Whether that is evidence that people still love going to theaters or that no one has Peacock, who knows. Will this flick take the franchise to even greater heights and, more importantly, can I still be the only person who watched it for free on opening night on Peacock?
Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair
I’m certainly not the one to ask about this as I always thought Kill Bill should only be one movie and not at 4 hours and 18 minutes. Yes, that’s the ask this time and I’m sure there will be some fun cos-play on opening night. Instead, I’ll be pausing Peacock every 20 minutes to go the bathroom during the barely 90 minutes of Five Night’s 2. Being old is awesome!
Scarlet
December 12
I can’t explain why studios are avoiding this weekend in December. The only potential “hit” I see this weekend is an anime film I know nothing about. Still, having paid attention to the recent hits of Demon Slayers and Chainsaw Man, I’ll list this film here in case it means something to someone else and they’d like to put it on their list.
Avatar: Fire and Ash
December 19
If there are bigger films I’ve cared less about, I can’t think of any. Avatar 2 was a confusing snooze to me, but it clearly cleaned-up at the box-office. Will this film do the same or have The Sully’s not been gone long enough for us to miss them yet?
David
The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants
Angel Studios follows-up their King of Kings Easter hit with the Christmas story of… King David? I mean, maybe by lineage he is the great, great, great with a lot of other greats grandfather of Christmas. I just hope they found voice acting room for Richard Gere since he played David in the 80’s live-action movie.
The Housemaid
Sydney Sweeny and Amanda Seyfried star in a mystery/thriller directed by Paul Fieg. That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. If it’s anything like the first A Simple Favor, that’s all I need. And if it’s anything better than Fieg literally stealing money to make Jackpot for Prime Video, we’ll call that a win too.
Is This Thing On?
Bradley Cooper’s latest directing/starring vehicle has him as a comedian in the middle of a divorce. Calling it a ha-ha version of Marriage Story is probably a stretch, but the write-up I saw that said “sweet-solued, funny, and tender” doesn’t seem so daunting.
I have it on good accounts that this is a SpongeBob SquarePants movie. We may be spared from any Antonio Banderas as a live-action pirate scenes, but as always, I’m not really in charge of that department.
Anaconda
December 25
Jack Black and Paul Rudd are BACK in the giant snake movie that started it all! I don’t really know if it started anything, yet I’m excited people still exist that want to make ridiculous movies. Anyone can make films where everyone is miserable and hates their lives. It takes a special person to make movies about those people getting killed by a ginormous serpent!
Marty Supreme
Marty Supreme
It’s a movie starring Timothee Chalamet as a ping pong master. Sometimes I just want to be a fly on the wall when people share their pitches to film producers. I’m sure it’ll be great and win numerous awards, but how is this better than Balls of Fury and Ping Pong Playa? There’s already SO MANY great ping pong films.
Song Sung Blue
As a huge fan of tribute bands and paying $10 to see them over paying $300 to see people who can’t even chew solid food anymore perform, I’m intrigued by this movie. Hugh Jackman and Kate Hudson star as singers going nowhere until they bring joy to millions (ok, maybe 75 people in a park on a Wednesday night in the summer) as a Neil Diamond tribute band. I hope it’s So Good, So Good, So Good!
